In Further News is a satirical set of articles, claiming to be “Fake News Realer Than Anything Else You’ll Read.” Anything Brandon Greer says can and will be used against him in a court of law.
LOCAL – Can advertising go too far? This is the question on everyone’s mind as random re-branding ravages Lubbock Christian University. Since the re-branding of several key interest points on campus to be more “Chap-related,” LCU campus has been plunged into what can only be described as “Chap Madness.” So far, there are no known treatments for Chap Madness, except a hot bowl of soup and a long nap.
LCU’s buildings now reflect the sense of belonging included in the word “Chap.” The CAA is now the Center for Chap Achievement, the AH is now the Chap-erican Heritage building, and the SUB is now the CUB (Chap Union Building). The only building to have its initials remain unchanged is the CDC, which is now called the Chap De Chap.
Social clubs all over LCU have changed their names in order to better represent LCU’s Chapiness. They will now be addressed as Chap-odai, Chap-a Gamma, Lamda Chap Alpha, Chap-onia, Chappa Phi Chappa, and Chapliche Damen. The only club to remain unchanged is Sub-T, since it’s a national fraternity, and Chap Madness has not spread beyond Lubbock.
Courses on Self-Serve (that is, Chap-Serve) are now addressed by CHA 1301, CHA 3330, CHA 4326, and so on. This has made it incredibly difficult for students registering for their Chap Classes, because for the first time in their college careers they must pay attention to the course numbers.
Trisha the Chap, the giant bronze chap made in the image of a chap, is now called Chappie the Chap. This is a reference to the movie, Chappie. Or it is possible that it could be a reference to the other popular movie, Chapsablanca, it is not entirely certain. With an entire movie library’s worth of Chap-related titles, it is difficult to say just what the inspiration might be. Is it from the Chap Wars movies or from the popular trilogy, Lord of the Chaps? Or could it possibly be from the less popular trilogy of The Chappit?
While things may seem rather dim, one must always remember to have Chap. Chaps will get better. Chap is soon to pass over, and soon, Chap will be back to Chap. So it is important to keep your Chap Chappy, and give into the Chap. Because once you Chap the Chap…you’ll be a lot Chappier.
I’m Chap-don Chap, and this is In Further Chap.