In Further News: Media Watchdogs Claim “R” Rated Film is Too Violent for Children

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LOCAL – Several parents organizations have arranged a boycott of the latest blockbuster, Murder Deathbot Chainsaw 5000, due to complaints that the “R” rated film is far too violent for young children. The movie is based on the comic book written in the 1980s by Rob Lensherr, an excellent writer and sub-par artist. The ongoing comic series follows the titular Murder Deathbot Chainsaw 5000™, a super robot with chainsaws for hands and feet that violently murders those who commit injustice in the fictional Vigilante City. And no, it is nothing like the film Robocop.

The movie, which premiered last Sunday, drew ire from the parents who took their kids to see the “R” rated film. Bertha Brauer, president of the group, “Parents Responsible for Acceptable Television, Films, and Actual Legitimate Literature,” claimed that the movie traumatized her young sons.
“I’ve noticed they’re far more violent lately,” She said, glancing at her two children who pleasantly watched TV. “They fight the same as usual, but now they say things like, ‘I’m gonna murder-death-kill you, you ******.’ I just can’t believe that movie theaters would allow my kids to be exposed to such a thing.”

Lee Angst, the director of Murder Deathbot Chainsaw 5000, does not have the same opinion. “First, let me make it clear that I can’t say the word I want to say when I want to talk about this genre of film because Lee Stans owns it. But in the ‘‘Heroes that happen to have Superior Qualities about them’ genre, there have been so many watered-down adaptations of characters with adult followings. We’re just staying true to the source material. And it’s not like we didn’t warn them.”
The movie’s ad campaign attempted to “not pull any punches,” only advertising after primetime and with disclaimers stating that the movie was rated “R.” One ad was nothing but the title of the movie followed by text reading, “THIS IS NOT A KIDS MOVIE.”

“I just wish there had been some sort of sign,” Brauer lamented as her kids picked up the DVD for Requiem for a Dream. “But that’s the problem with the media these days. They just don’t think of the children.”

Rumors are that Murder Deathbot Chainsaw 5000 will have an animated spin-off that will play at eleven o’ clock at night on special premium channels. Already, parents have complained, saying that “cartoons are for children, like South Park or that one about the guy with the family.”
I’m Brandon Greer and this is In Further News.

Editor’s Note: While satirical, the article at present is clearly about an individual film currently breaking records and showing in theaters. Movie stores are already selling pre-orders for the film on Blu-Rey and DVD. The point of the article is people’s reaction to a movie rated R. I spoke to several individuals who have decided not to see the film based on what they have heard from their friends who saw the film. My opinion is that they have made an informed decision. Parents should do the same. As a parent, I have to do a bit of research before I allow my children to watch any film. It is my right to decide what they view, not that of the movie theater. Before the release of this movie, the producers and main actor urged parents to leave their children at home. Furthermore, the website IMDB has a section listed for each movie titled “Parent’s Guide.” This section contains everything from bad language to sexual content. Sexual content ranges from kissing to explicit sex. It is encompassing to the degree that parents can make informed decisions. If a film is rated R based on language and contains no scenes including nudity, parents may decide the film is okay for their children under the age of seventeen to see. Information, not the pleas and cries of children should be utilized by parents when deciding what films or television shows to share with their families.
Student Editor: Christopher Biggerstaff

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